Equivocating

I was able to get up early today without much trouble... hurray for me!

I was pretty low-key today. I went to class of course, but I decided to let this be a 'me-day' and relaxed without stressing about work. However, I did get some library books for a paper... the last paper I'll write in my college career! I even spent some of the evening doing some free-reading (gasp) at Starbucks - the book was A Beautiful Mind... and no, I haven't seen the movie.

I'm sort of stressed about my family lately; I worry that I've let them down in some ways. Even though they don't exert pressure, I sometimes wish they would let me be and not talk too much about my future. It just gets me frustrated. I suppose I'm being immature about it, but I just get a little depressed when subject comes up.

In large part, it's because I'm so aimless, whereas the people who my mom might compare me to are really driven and have been certain about what they want to do. It frustrates me that you need to really dedicate yourself to a 'career track' so early in order to be 'successful'; in some ways it seems really limiting. But I guess one can say that the opposite extreme is just as bad. Part of my problem is that I'm not really a passionate person; I enjoy doing several things, but I can't do exclusively one thing at the expense of others or dedicate my life to a given career. Of course, wasting my time as a 'Jack of all trades' is more of a 'waste of my life' than any decent career would be.

Updates and Thoughts

Well, I am now a week into my final year of college. It's sort of scary knowing that I will have to make a definite decision as to where I'm going in the next year, and it doesn't seem possible that my college years are coming to a close. It's something that you know will eventually come up; still, part of me can't conceptualize making the change and taking concrete steps towars a possible future. It's something I know I have to do of course, but making this sort of decision has never been a strong suit of mine.

It's been great being back at school and running into all the familiar faces there. It's weird not seeing some of the people, though; I keep wondering about random people and have to remind myself that they've moved on now. My new dorm room is great; it's HUGE and is right by the front entrance. Unfortunately, there isn't any storage space, so I had to buy a bunch of plastic bins to make up for that. It also doesn't have a built in closet, and the metal closet that the school provides isn't very good, so I'll have to see if I can find a cheap replacement.