Fog and Rain

Today was good enough for a Thursday. I had trouble getting up this morning, but was nonetheless able to make the bus to Haverford for my class. My classes were fine; for my thesis class, the prof passed out snacks and wine as a way to celebrate the fact that she got some copies of her book today.

The weather today was very foggy, with a little bit of rain at times. I like having that sort of weather; I guess I've gotten my fill of sunny weather from living in LA for so long and thus can appreciate foggy weather. I love the way it diffuses the world around me, and how twigs and other things in the foreground seem crisper through the contrast with the rest of the atmosphere. I think fog lends an almost otherworldly appearance to my surroundings, something I really enjoy.

My Darling Clementines

I spent most of today writing a paper for class. Well, maybe I should say that I spent a decent amount of time writing the paper and the bulk of my day avoiding it. Anyway, after finishing, I walked to Haverford to drop off the paper. On the way back, I stopped by the supermarket to get some food. They having a sale on boxes of clementines, so I got one. I haven't had clementines in a long time, and they're one of my favorite fruits, so it's really good to have them to snack on (they're healthier than pizza in any case).

I microwaved my dinner, and looking at my watch, I realized that I had almost forgotten that it was film class. I rushed to class just in time. We watched a pair of documentaries: a 1960's cinéma vérité called High School and a 1930's state documentary called The River. It wasn't the most exciting screening, but that's okay.

Class and Things

Today, I got a sort of late start; I guess staying up late Sunday caught up with me. I skipped lunch (it was hot dog and onion rings day, which I hate) and went to classes. In Chaotic Dynamical Systems, we were studying fractals, and about half the class time was devoted to coloring in Sierpinski triangles. You get a ST when you take an equilateral triangle and inscribe it with an empty triangle, and take the three resulting triangles and do the same, and so forth. It looks like this:


I also got my midterm grade back... I got an A-, which I'm happy with, particularly since I knew I made some mistakes with the calculations.

I then went to film class, where I turned in my Wizard of Oz paper. We continued the discussion on experimental films, which was alright since I felt more awake than last time and they only showed portions of the more interesting films from last week.

After relaxing a little and having dinner (it wasn't good, and I ended up only having bread, cereal, and dessert), I went to the library to do some reading; I was able to finish Kruschev's 'secret speech' and the textbook chapter on the 'Thaw'.

The Joys of Writing Long and Tedious Papers

Thanks to the tea I had, I had a great deal of trouble getting to sleep last night; while trying to get some shuteye, I ended up spending my time downloading TV off of Morpheus and mindlessly surfing the web.

I was eventually able to get a small amount of sleep. I woke up and did some work on my prospectus before going to class. After class, I ate lunch and continued work on the prospectus, though I was interrupted midway by a call from my sister. She told me about the trip that she and her friend took to San Francisco to see Lily Tomlin in the play The Search For Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe (last year, Chrissie did a one-woman performance of the play). They were able to see Lily Tomlin after the performance; she signed their programs and took a couple of photos with them.

I finally finished my prospectus with just enough time to spare. I turned it in and had dinner, after which I kicked back a little before going to the library for a some reading. I haven't finished the reading, though; hopefully I'll be able to work on that later tonight.

Procrastination XIV: Sloth's Revenge

Today was another day in which my laziness fot the better of me. I did a little bit of work on paper #2 (due Wednesday) and have started on my prospectus (due by 5 tomorrow). Fortunately, the prospectus is only ten pages, rather than fifteen as I originally thought. I'm going to try and do the bulk of the work tonight, and continue working on it tomorrow. The project description shouldn't be too hard, but I worry about the literature review and the methodology a bit. The last part is a bibliography, which is a no-brainer.

I wish that the vacation were longer, but I know that I would probably put things off just as much if I had the extra time. I get so frustrated with myself sometimes, yet that frustration doesn't seem to prevent me from procrastinating whenever I get the chance. I just overanalyze my procrastination problem and am too paralyzed to get down to work. It's only when I'm really desparate to get something done that it actually gets finished. Otherwise, I just can't work up the energy to focus on work. Oh, well.

In other news, I am literally counting the days until the semester ends and I can go back to California. I have a pretty exciting vacation in store. Seeing my family is always good of course, and in the case of winter break there isn't enough time for me to get frustrated with everybody. Plus, I'll get to see Marina and Fred, which should be a lot of fun. Right after I get back home, I'll be seeing the musical version of The Lion King and doing some last minute Christmas shopping with Marina. A bit later, I'll be flying to Seattle to visit Fred for a few days. It should be exciting, and it's something to look forward to as I wade through the sea of papers and projects.

A Very Short Entry

Today I've been feeling better... of course, that didn't translate into getting more work done, but oh well. I'll get up early tomorrow, I promise!

Fun at the Post Office

I'm feeling better today, though it's still very quiet around here. It's really frustrating not to be able to talk to people, especially since the holidays have made people pretty scarce both on and offline; I'm more isolated than I usually am.

Fortunately, I was able to mail all but one of the applications I had worked on (the Yale app requires an extra 250 word mini-paper, and I haven't even gotten the Northwestern app) as well as a few Christmas presents. I later called home, and for a short time I was able to talk to Chrissie en route to San Francisco; however, before long, she was out of range. I was pretty lazy most of the day, though I was able to get my plot segmentation done and am working on the accompanying essay. Hopefully I'll get the two essays done tonight so I can devote the weekend to my prospectus.

Loneliness

I'm feeling pretty lonely right now. In part I'm just allowing me to feel sorry for myself, in part it's the situation of being one of the few people who is alone today (well, it's after midnight, so I should say yesterday, shouldn't I?), and in part the feelings that I'm usually able to ignore are appearing because the situation is conducive to it.

It's not like I don't have friends, and I would be doing many great people a disservice if I said I was friendless, but at some level I still feel a bit peripheral to what's going on. I feel like, to many (though not all) people who I'd consider a 'friend', I'm more tolerated than actively liked. Perhaps I'm setting my standards too high.

In any case, it's largely my own fault, since I don't always make myself emotionally available. I try to be a nice person, but I'm not always open about my feelings to other people.

Well, that's really enough self-indulgent moping for now. I think I'm feeling better anyway. Anyway, I was able to finish my personal statement, and have copied it below for your entertainment. It is quite amusing, and I'm sure you'll get a few laughs out of it.

Turkey Day

I was sort of down when I got up this morning (er, afternoon), and consequently didn't do very much besides my laundry. Late in the afternoon, I got a call from my family with Thanksgiving wishes, and I think that lifted my spirits a little. I was able to clean my room and fill out forms for law schools. Hopefully I'll be able to mail in several of the applications, along with some Xmas gifts, tomorrow. They're not due until February 1st, but getting applications in early does make a difference. Tonight, I face the task of writing a personal statement and resume along with working on my two short papers. Wish me luck!

Anyway, I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Eve

I was able to get some grad school forms over to my deans this morning, but other than that, I wasn't very productive. I spent most of the afternoon just surfing the web and chatting, though I was able to go over to the supermarket to get some food for tomorrow (Thanksgiving by yourself is depressing enough... no need to make it worse by not having any food around). It was a bit packed, unsurprisingly.

Right now, the campus is pretty deserted, with only a few diehards like me staying around for the break. Even some of the international students are able to get away by taking trips with friends. I know it would be terribly impractical to leave, though. I have three papers (one that's 15 pages long) to write in addition to applications and the usual reading. Plus airfare is steep, and it's just not worth it for such a short trip. But I do feel like something of an oddball nonetheless.

Calm Before the Storm

I had to wake up early this morning, since I had a meeting with my dean about graduate school. I wouldn't have scheduled it for a Tuesday morning, but she couldn't meet on Friday or Monday because she was sick. She agreed that it probably would be best for me to concentrate my ennergies on law schools, but said that it was a good idea for me to take the GRE while I was still in college.

I then had the usual round of classes. Today was the math presentation. My partner and I used powerpoint for our presentation, so we looked really on top of things. Film class was devoted to experimental films... some of them would be the perfect cure for insomnia.

Later that evening, I met with the other person working on the Arts section in the Yearbook. We entered a layout into the computer and agreed to meet after break. After that, I went to take a (self-scheduled) math quiz.

Today was pretty nice, since this week is relatively light on work. I was able to relax a little bit and goof off without feeling (too) guilty. Of course tomorrow is another matter...

More Late Nights

I woke up late (again) today, and did some more reading, plus I did some organizational work for my applications. If I only apply to law schools, I might not even need a third reccomender, since none of the apps I have require any more, and I doubt that the two I haven't gotten are different.

I have to work on yet another paper today, but it's basically an 'expansion' on an older one, so it's not as difficult a task. My workload is fairly light this weekend, but after break... look out.

I also got a call from my sister this evening, though she wasn't able to talk for long. She congratulated my on my LSAT scores (they were good but not outstanding... I got a 165, in the 93rd percentile) and told me about a casting workshop at USC which she attended. She didn't have the time to give me the details, but she said that the casting director of the Accused (starring Jodie Foster, her acting 'role model') came up to her to say how talented she was.

* Actually, the casting director who came up to her was from ER; the Accused person was there as a guest but didn't participate in the workshop part. The neat thing is that the director is very 'exclusive' and doesn't see people unless he has them in mind already, so this is really a foot in the door for her.

Sleeping In

Last night I tried to go to sleep after the party had stopped and the music had been turned off; however, there were semi-drunk sounding people talking loudly on the stairs right by my door. Occasionally someone would say "Shhh!", but that really had no discernable effect. I tried to muffle it by putting pillows over my head, but that didn't help much either. I eventually fell asleep, but I didn't enjoy having a bunch of loud people right outside my door.

Unsurprisingly, I got a late start this morning. The alarm woke me up, but I was so tired that I just got up and turned it off before going back to sleep again. I was so groggy that I even unrooted one of my cactus plants in the process of going to my dresser to turn off the alarm and had to throw it away (luckily, I wasn't pricked or anything).

After waking up again, having lunch, and procrastinating, I did some work on the second part of my film class project; a 4-6 page analysis of a particular sequence of the film. I decided to do the Munchkinland sequence, so I ended up taking an insane amount of notes and DVD screengrabs to work with. Once I had finished with that, I made some progress on a book I'm reading for class; hopefully I'll get that finished early tomorrow.

Annoying Parties

I started my day with math work. After lunch, I went to schedule an appointment with my dean. I then spent some time on the computer before heading over to do some yearbook layouts. In a way, I don't know why I keep doing yearbook, since I'm pressed for time as it is. I guess you could call me an overambitious underachiever; I have a lot of things I want to do, but when I try and do them I'm not able to do much of anything.

Interestingly enough, I bumped into an old high school classmate while doing yearbook stuff (she goes to Haverford, and is the only person from my high school in the Bi-Co); the Yearbook office is in the anthropology/psychology building, and she's majoring in anthropology. We said 'hi' and chatted for a minute before going our separate ways. I think it's always odd when you see someone from your past unexpectedly, since you don't have the mental preparation to deal with them.

I then went back to start work on a film project. We have to do a plot segmentation and essay on one of the films we've covered in class. Because I thought it would be more straightforward (and because I could get a hold of the DVD), I chose The Wizard of Oz. It was interesting to see the movie again, though I have to say that I find Glinda a lot more annoying now that I'm not seven years old anymore.

Right now, a bunch of people are throwing a party right across from my room... needless to say, it's quite aggravating.

Thor's Day

Today was relatively decent for a Thursday. I woke up early to drop off my paper, then checked my usual round of websites and had a half-hour nap before getting on the bus for Haverford(where I have my morning class). After class, I talked to my professor about reccomendations, but I'll expand on that later. I then walked back to Bryn Mawr (because we talked, I had missed the bus) and had lunch. I had a few minutes of downtime in which I typed a short proposal for a Chaotic Dynamical Systems final project (I want to do something on Koch snowflakes) before going to class. Class was pretty laid back, though the professor assigned us to present various exam problems to the class (he liked the way I did a certain problem on interest rates, so I'll be doing that one). I then went to my film class, after which I had another thesis meeting. Later that night, I had to talk for ten minutes about my thesis, which went okay, though I don't like talking about something unless I really know what I'm talking about.

Okay, now it's time to backtrack. I talked to the professor and she expressed some doubts about the entire 'applying to history and law grad schools' thing. Basically she said that, because of the limited prospects for history students, schools limit their number of students and only want people who are really passionate about history. I don't know if I am really that committed; the fact that I'm 'hedging my bets', so to speak, sort of testifies to that. Plus I think I could see myself going to law school more easily than history grad school. Taking that into consideration, I don't know whether it's worth the time and effort (not to mention the money) to apply. I am going to talk it over with my parents later tonight.

La de da...

Let's see... what happened today...?

I went to class and then spent the rest of my day trying to write. I even got rid of my net connection for a while. I have made some progress, but I'm still sort of blocked on it. It's really frustrating, because I have nothing to write about and can't really use quotes to make my paper longer.

Tonight's movie was M, directed by Fritz Lang and featuring Peter Lorre (I think this was his first big role). It was good, but I was sort of frustrated because they were pretty lazy with the subtitles, and only translated the most vital scraps of information. And at points the white subtitles were shown against a white background, making it impossible to read the little translation they provided.

Torpid Tuesdays

Today I finished up my math exam. I got up later than I expected, and encountered a few unexpected problems, but I was able to figure things out and turned it in. I also was able to get a second professor to write a reccomendation, so I only have one more to track down. I later did some reading, took a math quiz, and did some application work.

My day was less than eventful, so I don't have much of interest to say... so here's a picture!


Wasn't I cute?

Overwhelmed

Today was sort of mixed. I went to class, turned in my paper, and did part of my math exam (it's unlimited time and open book/notes/etc.). Part of the exam dealt with making the bifurcation graph below.

Papers and Procrastination

I am currently alternating between a paper, this journal, and chat, so my thoughts might be a little scattered. I am doing alright on the paper, though I can tell it's going to be more than a little long. I wish I had the ability to simply sit down and write a paper without causing myself undue worry; as it is, papers that should be simple undertakings are stretched out needlessly by my own procrastinating.

Today I was feeling a little down for some reason... I think that perhaps that hindered my ability to do work. My mind was sort of distracted, never a good thing when you need to do a good deal of work in a short time.

And, as an attempt to make my journal less boring, here's Sunny!

Getting Personal

Today I slept in a bit, but I was nonetheless able to get some reading done. Tonight, if all goes well, I will do a paper for class. Tomorrow will be jam-packed with excitement, as I work on more reading, a take-home math exam, thesis stuff, and application stuff (including the two-page 'personal statement').

I am sometimes uneasy about these personal statements for college. Something about laying down something that states 'this is who I am and here's what makes me tick' makes me uncomfortable; I have trouble reducing myself to a short explanation of my personality. I think it's hard to approach yourself objectively anyways, since a person is almost always too self-interested to divorce their romanticized conception of themselves with the person they are.

A related issue is that of presenting oneself in the context of a college or graduate school 'personal statement'; the image of the ideal student inevitably looms over such compositions. After all, it is not in an applicant's interests to present themselves as they are... they are trying to paint the 'right' image of themselves (though perhaps adding enough of their own quirks to stand out). Ironically enough, these statements can't ever truly be personal.

Anyway, I hope I'll be able to get this work done without too much trouble. I have so much to do this week that it's crazy.

Food for Thought

Today I had the usual round of classes and stuff. I was able to get a decent amount of work done, which is always a good thing, though there is still quite a bit on my agenda. Tonight was also movie night for film class; we watched Sergei Eisenstein's Strike.

The cafeteria served less-than-good things today, so I ended up not eacting much. I was reminded of a thought I've had, usually during midterms and finals. During 'on' semesters, I tend to lose more weight than during an 'off' semester. It seems that, for some reason, I'm more able to do unpleasant work when I'm slightly hungry. Otherwise, I tend to be lethargic and procrastinate. I guess human beings, as organisms, don't feel an instinctual need to work (which at a basic level means getting food) when they're full. But this is just empty speculation...

Perhaps I can try and figure out a way to get in a more 'hardworking' mentality... spending a lot of time putting off work can really be draining, especially when the work catches up with you.

Classes and Things

Last night I looked at possible classes for next semester and worked on a tentative syllabus. Here it is:

Monday, Wednesday, & Friday -
Intro To Real Analysis II - A continuation of the real analysis class I'm taking this semester. I need it to complete my minor.
Abnormal Psychology - (M,W) I think this'll be an interesting class. I haven't taken much Psychology, and it seemed like one of the more interesting offerings.
Senior Seminar - (M) It's the thesis class. I wonder why I'm signing up...

Tuesday & Thursday -
17th and 18th Century Art in France - I've taken classes from the professor before, and they were pretty good. Plus, it'll be good to have an art history class.
Creative Writing - This class is very difficult to get into; I tried unsuccessfully to get into it my Sophmore year. Hopefully I'll be able to play my senior card, though.

I think the schedule is better than this semester's... I don't have more than three classes on any one day, and the bulk of classes are at the beginning of the week, so that crunch comes during the weekend when I have the time/energy to deal with it.

On to today... it was fairly uninteresting, even by my standards. I went to classes, did some reading, and surfed the web. I did get a picture of me (from Sure Thing) in the school newspaper though.

Insert Title Here

This morning, I performed the miracle of actually getting up early... hurray for me! Once I felt suitably conscious, I went to the campus center and got my senior portraits done before class started. Hopefully I don't look too hideous.

After class, I managed to do a little reading before going to dinner. I met with the rest of the cast and we went to dinner. Since restaurants would be a tad pricey and nobody felt like the regular dining halls, so we ate at Batten House, where the director lives. Batten's a small pseudo-dorm that's themed towards environmental and social activism. They make (vegetarian) dinners each night, and guests are invited to drop in, so we came and had some food while we chatted with some of the residents. It was sort of an informal requirement that guests play some type of name game; we had to name our favorite vegetable (I said corn) and Ben and Jerry's flavor (cookie dough). I then went back to my room and did some more reading before heading to chat.

Do you like Entemann's crumb cake?

I got up late again, though it wasn't quite as bad as yesterday. I met with the yearbook person and we arranged to meet again later. After several futile attempts to study, I got ready for the second (and final) performance of the show I'm in. It went well, though not as well as last night. After the performance, the cast and director took down the lights and we agreed to have dinner the next day.

So that's my day. You will be quizzed on it later, so if you have any questions you'd better ask them now.

Lazy Fridays

It was a pretty laid-back Friday. After class, I had a quick lunch and got ready to meet with someone on the yearbook staff. Problem is, she forgot about it and never showed up. I then went to the bookshop and ordered a class ring, something my parents insisted that I do. A while later, I went over to an afternoon rehearsal. We were in the actual performance space (in the library cafe) for the first time. After getting back, I relaxed a bit before going to the supermarket and having dinner.

I talked to my sister this afternoon; she seemed to be doing well. She told me that she made a wish list on Amazon, so I followed her lead and made a small list of my own.

My Random Babbling

I'm feeling a bit more awake now. After a convoluted Foucault discussion, I went to the math lab. I basically spent the time typing a bunch of numbers into spreadsheets for a bifurcation graph. It wasn't challenging, but it was dull. I then ran over to rehearsal; it was fun but ended after midnight, even later than usual.

Something I've been thinking about lately is how my relationships with other people have changed over the years. Though I'm nowhere near extroverted, I feel more comfotable dealing with people; I'm not so much out of my element as I used to be. However, there isn't really a clique of college friends I hang out with. It was a little different during my first year, since the college puts all frosh into hall groups and they tend to become pretty close. But I think the college mentality is different from high school, and it's not so necessary that you find a group of people to hang out with during lunch breaks and the like. It can make things more difficult occasionally, since there isn't an 'automatic support group' who you can be around at parties or have lunch with.

I don't mind the situation, though. I feel much more comfortable around friends than I used to. I always felt somewhat peripheral among my circle of friends in high school; I hung out with them during lunch and breaks, but I didn't really spend much time with them outside of school and extracurricular activities. In large part that's because I lived far from the school and it was impractical, but my shyness also played a factor. I don't think many of the people there got the chance to know me. My shyness is still there, but I generally feel more able to cope with it now.

Yawn...

I have some time to kill before Senior Sem class, and the rest of my night is pretty packed, so I figure now would be a good time to give my daily update. Well, I was in no mood to write my paper last night; I had a terrible headache and was too tired to concentrate. So I woke up early and did it when I was more rested. Of course, that led me to be a bit tired for the rest of the day, but I think that would have happened either way.

Tonight I have the aforementioned class, plus math lab (I have to work on a project with a partner) and rehearsal. I'm having fun with the play, but I'll be glad when it's over and done with, since late night rehearsals are inevitably pretty taxing.